SweetVoiced Angel of Mine
by Incognito.O
Summary: After Renee's death Bella moves to Forks.Will she find the father she has been yearning for, for all these years? Will she finally come to peace with herself? Will she let go of her dark past? Will she ever return to being the "sweet-voiced angel"? BxE
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

**Hola everybody! Well this here's the edited version. It has more detail so I think you should read it :D**

**Oh and a HUGE thank you to my new beta; cascade :D**

**Sorry for the multiple email notifications :P**

_My name is Bella Swan, and I am in the deepest and darkest ends of my personal hell._

_Why?_

_She's gone._

_Who?_

_Renee._

_Renee who?_

_Renee, my darling mother, my best friend, my support system… my everything. _

_Ouch._

_Yeah. And guess what?_

_What?_

_It's not fair._

_Nothing's fair._

_The last time I spoke to her was when she screamed her head off at me at the sight of my black leather miniskirt, excessive makeup and smelling of cigarette smoke at 2 a.m. in the morning, just back from a gig to drop off my guitar and heading out for the afterparty. _

_You are in so much trouble! _

_To which I merely rolled my eyes and casually strutted out the door, momentarily deaf to her furious yells. I'm a big girl, Renee. I know what I'm doing. _

_But right now, I sure as hell don't._

_Not a word has passed through my lips ever since Phil got the phone call and rushed us both to the hospital. Knowing what had really happened the river of emotions that rushed and raged through me caught my throat, held it tight, and refused to let it go. I could breathe in the antiseptic-laden air, I could swallow down the bland paper cups of hot chocolate Phil made me drink to keep my spirits up when I obviously had no appetite to eat, but I couldn't make myself talk, not even to say my last goodbye when the doctor told us that the defibrillator was the only thing keeping her heart going. The rest of her was dead. I couldn't even bring myself to throw the same damn the doctor out of the room when he kept glancing at us, his watch, us, his watch, as Phil took his time to smoothen Renee's hair and kiss her goodbye. _

_Now it's been 5 days since she's left. What, only 5 days? It seemed like a forever ago when I watched her coffin lowered into the ground. Renee always loved my singing. Phil suggested that I sing at her funer-..How can I sing when my mother is dead?! Has that man no heart? How did he expect me to sing?! She left me, taking my passion for singing with her. Never will I find a reason to sing again. She always used to say that I was her gateway to heaven; her sweet voiced angel. Have I lead her to heaven then? No I haven't. She's dead. All because of __**me.**_

_I just can't believe she is truly gone. I can't believe I won't see her face as soon as I wake up. I can't believe she won't be there to try and force me to go out more often. Or that she won't be there to scold me when I came home late from a gig. I can't even believe she won't be there to give me the cold shoulder when I do wrong. I would take the cold shoulder instead of this a hundred times over._

_I haven't shed even a single tear since it has happened. This feeling... It's draining me. I'm just so tired. _

_I had a feeling that Phil just wanted to move on, and having me around just wasn't helping him. I might've even stayed with Phil but since Renee left us a month before the actual wedding day, he had no custodial right over me and my biological father, Charlie, would have to be my legal guardian. He said that he didn't know what he could do to ease my pain let alone his own. He said it would be best if I went to him. Although, now, when I think about it I think that this just might be for the best. A part of me screams for that father I never had. _

_But there's this other part, the part that wanted to have absolutely nothing to do with him. Zero, nada, zilch. _

_How could I, when I haven't even seen the guy for the past 5 years, let alone talk to him. And he calls himself my father... Not even an acknowledgment of my existence all these years, leaving it all to Renee, that's what he's good for. No phone call, no Christmas cards, not even a sentimental letter assuring me that I'll always be his little girl; soppy stuff like that. Well, News Flash for you 'Dad', the welfare system decided that I actually need a father. But what pains me the most is that he has absolutely no idea what I had to deal with on my own...What I had become…_

_Oh God, I never got an opportunity to tell her how very sorry I am and how much I love her._

_All this pain and regret and memories. I could feel the blood drip out of my heart and onto my hands. The sun could heal me: the rays would shine new hope into my life, the heat could sear into my subconscious and reduce all the emotional baggage to ashes. But no,__ I'm leaving my sunny, once beautiful Phoenix for the dull and dreary hell-hole that is Forks to live with Charlie._

_I've practically avoided Forks like the plague for the past 5 years. I wonder if my room is just as I left it? Or... maybe Charlie put it up for rent or something. He probably would've just found a replacement for me since I was probably such a disappointment to him. I'm really not looking forward to being the 'talk of the town', so to speak. Everyone knows everything about each other. That is how small Forks' community is. Definitely not looking forward to the pitiful side-glances either.  
The streets of Forks hold memories… memories that are as perfect as they are painful. I remember trying to stay dry under the awning of the diner we always go to for weekend brunch in the rain all those years ago, squinting through the raindrops at Renee and Charlie screaming their heads off across the road at the teller machine. I tried running away but it was pouring all the same. _

_I remember a girl I used to play with: Mary. Her personality was always oozing out of her tiny body! She was shorter than me and could probably pass off as my little sister. Always light-hearted, always there to comfort me. She used to hold me and rock me when I couldn't stop crying. I knew what was coming and I was dreading it. I couldn't live without Renee and I most certainly couldn't live without Charlie. She would do anything to make me take my mind off ... what was going on at home._

_Mary and I used to go into this clearing just a little way into the woods behind Charlie's house, the house I used to call mine. We called it a "magical forest", and now I truly believe that it really was my magical forest. My sanctuary. The only place which felt like home._

_We used to play pretend to our hearts' content .We were beautiful princesses living in gigantic castles one day and conniving and nasty pirates the next._

_I don't think I could have ever thanked her enough. She was the only one who could help me escape, even if just for a while._

_I vaguely remember the night when we left, Renee and I..._

_I yelled and thrashed my limbs all over the places trying to loosen Renee's grip on me. I pleaded with Charlie to stop Renee. I yelled for Mary, telling her to call all the pixies, brownies and Prince Charming's of our fantasized world to come help me._

_Now, after losing her, I suddenly can't help but fear for losing Charlie. Regardless of everything the man is still my father. I'm finally going to get the father I've been yearning for all these years, even if it is under such desolate circumstances._

_5 days ago, I was the singer who went up on stage and performed without even the slightest bit of hesitation, but walking up to my past and looking it in the eye with not even a shred of fear in my soul..Now that is definitely worse._

------x-

**BPOV**

My eyes started to scan the crowds for Charlie; like a drowning man struggling to get back to the surface.

Charlie, in his bright red shirt and khaki coloured pants, stood at the far end of the room, leaning against the wall, looking like he would rather be anywhere than in the presence of his only family; But all the same, catching sight of him, tears started stinging my eyes. I was finally able to cry.

I was home.


	2. Chapter 1 I'm Alive

Hey everybody! Here's the edited chapter 1!

I reaaaallly think you should read it. PM me your thoughts if you've reviewed before!

Chapter 1: I'm Alive

I remained rooted to the spot, just staring, staring at Charlie as he threw a few awkward glances around him before walking over to where I stood, as if he was nervous about other people finding out that he was here for me. I quickly blinked back the tears as he tried to put on a kind smile, the sort that air hostesses put on for little kids flying alone.

"You okay, Bells?"

Bells. It was his old nickname for me. I haven't heard the sound in ages, and to be honest, I kind of both miss it and hate it.

My lips merely twitched in a half-baked effort for a reassuring smile. Apparently my cheek muscles were numb from all the non-moving it had been doing for the past week or so.

Luckily he didn't press for details. He shrugged and sighed to himself before glancing at my travelling bag. "Want a hand with that?"

I shrugged myself and handed it to him. It wasn't heavy in the slightest bit – I packed light – but I felt that I owed it to him to do something for me. The crease in his brow, the fleeting glimpses of guilt. He'd neglected me for all those years and now he was feeling the weight of it all. If I wanted to torture him, make him feel really really bad, I'd only need to give him the cold shoulder.

But I couldn't. Charlie's my dad, whether I like it or not. You know those Spanish soap operas where the characters are always finding out that they have secret children and those kids always seem to love their parents the moment they knew about the parents they never had? I used to think that it was stupid; how could you love someone you barely know? Now I knew: it's not love. It's more like an attachment. It's about having someplace and someone to belong to. You don't have to love or even like it. You just… attach.

Charlie's cruiser was waiting for us in the carpark, parked complacently among the minivans, pickups and station wagons as if it was a normal car. He put my bag in the boot as I settled myself in the passenger seat, checking out the scanner, the radio and the glove-box which contained a bunch of papers and a pair of sunglasses. Seized by a combination of curiosity and cheekiness, I put the sunglasses on and checked myself out in the side mirror. It was an old pair of aviator-type sunglasses. I had to admit I looked kind of cool, the old-school type of cool that is.

Suddenly Charlie opened the door to the driver seat and got in so quickly that I nearly jumped with fright. He grinned in amusement to see the shades on me. "If you like it you can keep it. I heard that vintage is 'in' these days." I almost shivered to hear him say the word 'in' in that context. I quickly removed the shades, folded it and put it back into the glove-box. "No, no thanks," was all I could croak out as I sank back onto the passenger seat, feeling extremely flustered.

"What, you don't like it? You don't think your dad could be as 'cool' as you youngsters?" he winked. I knew he was only trying to act my age, or at least try to connect with the mindset of people my age so that he could make me feel better but it wasn't working at all.

"Just – drive. Okay?" I ended up blurting out, and quite harshly too. I turned my head away and fixed my eyes at a silver Volvo that just parked itself in one of the empty lots just one lot away from ours. I couldn't look at Charlie, knowing that he was hurt. I was hurt as well, but I couldn't let him know, or else I'll really cry and he'll try to hug me to comfort me and the last thing I needed was a hug from Charlie.

I heard him sigh tiredly, making me feel ten times worse than before. Just as he revved the car the scanner buzzed to life. "Attention all units. Yellow Toyota Hilux speeding at 165 miles per hour on the interstate. Suspect is – "

I instantly turned my eyes on it. As if Charlie could catch my annoyance, he turned the scanner off right away. But he didn't turn to look at me. He merely mumbled a "Sorry about that" as he shifted the gear stick to gear one and got the cruiser moving.

I chose not to respond. Instead, I turned my face out the passenger seat window again, away from him. A group of people had come out from the silver Volvo. One of them, a young man – no, a boy, really, with that kind of boyish look – but so tall that I could probably call him a man, suddenly turned to look at me.

All I could remember about him, even from a distance, was his strange golden eyes.

--------------------------------x--------------

As soon as we got home from that extremely awkward car ride, all I wanted to do was run up to my room. I think I quite literally sprinted up the stairs as I heard Charlie chuckle in the back of my head. Well at least he wasn't feeling as sore as I was.

He soon followed with a smile playing at the corner of his lips.

"You had to run to your room... is that how much I bore you?" Charlie asked, full on smiling now. It was the first time I'd seen Charlie smile in a very long time. However, my mood wasn't tickled pink even in the slightest bit. In fact I just wanted him to leave.

"I'm just tired," I replied quite harshly.

"Want something to eat?" Charlie grunted, looking as if he was wishing I would refuse.

"I just want to… lay down for a bit Ch- Dad, if that's okay?" I answer hesitantly and with a much softer tone than before, not wanting any more awkward situations for the day.

" 'Kay then." He turned to leave, but just before he left, he hesitated, as if he wanted to ask or tell me something, but the sheer strength of my desire for him to leave must have done the trick and pushed him out the door for good.

As I was lying down on the bed I couldn't help but think about Renee. I couldn't believe she wasn't here, alive and well, because of **me**. I couldn't believe that I was so reckless.

I should have listened to her. I couldn't believe I didn't see what was happening, I didn't bother to give just a moment of my attention to her. One moment. That was all it would have taken to save her. **I** killed my own mother. I **killed** her. I'm responsible. I kil- I want to be there instead of her. I just can't accept it; she can't leave me. It shouldn't have happened to her, it should have been me. I just wanted to curl up and die. I wanted to be sucked into a black hole where I could cuddle up and be swallowed whole by my grief. Or better yet, let something suck my soul out. This pain was just not worth living with. Then once again, my thoughts went back to how I alone was responsible for her dea-..

Silent sobs broke out through me, but they didn't even begin to describe how I felt. I was just so tired. Tired of my life. Tired of living with this pain. How long would I have to live with it? Most importantly, could I live with it?

In the midst of my bleary eyes and runny nose I pulled out my iPod and put 'All Around Me' by Flyleaf on repeat and blasted it to full volume.

I let out a laugh at how parts of the song were so fitting right now.

(**A/N:** the fitting parts :_  
My hands float up above me  
And you whisper you love me  
And I begin to fade_

_The music makes me sway  
The angels singing say we are alone with you  
I am alone and they are too with you_

_I'm alive, I'm alive_

_I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing_

_And so I cry  
The light is white  
And I see you_

_I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive_

_I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing_

_Take my hand  
I give it to you  
Now you own me  
All I am  
You said you would never leave me  
I believe you  
I believe_

_I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healed_

I remembered looking at the leaves dancing to the song outside my window as my eyelids begin to droop and sleep consumed me.

_-----------------------------------------------------x----------------_

Change.

What a vile thing it is. Turns your world around mercilessly.

Change creeps in when you least expect it.

But change is inevitable.

It's funny how some things never change regardless of whatever happened a month, a week, or even a day ago.

The alarm clock, a universal demon to all school-going people, was still determined to make me scream for 5 more minutes.

The warm water loosening my strained and sore muscles from the day before.

The smell of bacon and eggs drifting up the stairs, causing my taste buds to tingle.

..and me, Not knowing what to wear on the first day of yet another school year.

I stumbled over to my closet, wondering what in the world I would wear that wouldn't make me stand out and yet not make me look like sore loser.

My clothes were pretty decent back in Phoenix, thanks to Renee.

I remember giving most away to goodwill right before I came here for the sole purpose of trying to move on. Each article of clothing made me think of Renee, and it just wasn't helping. I saw the tiny pile of tee shirts lying in the corner and grabbed the first one I saw. A green tee and a pair of jeans. Pretty decent if I say so myself. I went through my shoes and picked one of my coveted pairs of Converse shoes – now _those _would be extremely heartbreaking to give away.

Glancing at the clock, I saw that I was late for school. Go figure, that hasn't changed either.

I rushed down the stairs, skipping the last step and landing horribly on the wrong leg. On the knee cap at that. Cursing my luck, I hobbled my way into the kitchen.

"Still haven't gained a sense of balance yet I see," Charlie remarked, with amusement twinkling in his eyes. Or it could have just been the light bouncing off his eyes.

Being the 17-year-old that I am, I had to roll my eyes at that. Call it impulsive if you like.

"Hah, I don't think I'll ever have that Dad, no matter how hard I try." There was lukewarm coffee in the coffee pot and a packet of cold sugar doughnuts open on the table. I fought the urge to scrunch my nose up. With Renee there would be something hot and yummy, like pancakes or toast or bacon and eggs. I fought the thought off before the inevitable heartache could set in and ruin my mood for the day. "I wonder if they sell balancing senses for the klutzes of the world," I added under my breath.

I could see him trying to hide his laughter behind his newspaper, confirming that he had heard me. But to no avail, he burst out laughing and right on cue I could feel my ever-so-prominent blush rising to my cheeks.

"I've missed you Bells," Charlie said distractedly.

That was unexpected. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't reply. He couldn't possibly imagine how much I needed to hear that.

I merely nodded in acknowledgment. Totally taken off guard and rendered speechless.

"Which reminds me… I have something to show you."

"Mhm?" Was my ingenious reply.

Charlie got up and started to make his way to the front door.

I just kept staring after him.

"Well, are you coming or not?" Charlie asked. He looked kind of flustered and frankly it made me curious.

I followed him outside, and I saw Charlie standing nervously next to a red... truck-like thing. It was huge, and red, and… a pick up.

Shockingly, I absolutely loved it.

It seemed perfect for me. Big, and strong, just what a girl needs to back her up on the first day of the rest of her life.

"I thought this would be a good 'welcome home' gift, but after Ren – your mom's – I didn't know if you'd – what I'm trying to say is, I think you should..." Charlie looked severely uncomfortable.

I tried really hard not to think about the 'incident' because I knew it would only make the crying start again. But I couldn't help it, tears started snaking their way down my cheeks and Charlie looked even more uncomfortable than before.

Great, I just flunked Moving On from Your Parent's Death 101.

All of a sudden Charlie rushed over.

"Come 'ere Squirt," he said softly, pulling me into an awkward yet much-needed hug.

I didn't remember what he said but it definitely helped calm me down, for I remember my bawling turning into silent and dry sobs.

"I – I love you dad. Please don't ever leave me again." The second I had said that, I regretted it almost immediately. So much for the no-more-causing-awkward-moments idea. My breath hitched.

A heartbeat passed.

Two.

Three.

I thought I was going to be sick. He still hadn't said anything.

Four heartbeats.

Hesitantly, I looked up into Charlie's eyes.

Five.

That's when I saw the same man who was standing on the doorstep 5 years ago, letting Renee take me away. The same pain, hesitation and confusion, hidden.

Six.

But all I could hear was the deafening silence.

----------x----

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	3. Chapter 2 Silence

Chapter 2: Silence

Silence.

It's been said to be golden.

But sometimes it's worse than being stabbed in the heart repeatedly.

I pushed myself out of his arms and ran back up the stairs to my room with tears flowing shamelessly. I thought I heard Charlie call my name but I didn't want to get my hopes up. I flopped onto my bed and buried my head deep into my pillow and cried like there was no tomorrow.

I told my **father **that I loved him and of all people he should have been able to say it back without any signs of hesitation. I hadn't meant to say it, it just... came out. Of all the stupid things I could've done this was by far the worst one yet.

If Renee were here right now, he would've been long gone. If I could have I would have knocked some sense into him all those years ago. He was the one who should've taken my hand and been there whenever I needed him to be. How did he expect me to live without him? But all the coulda's, shoulda's and woulda's didn't matter anymore. They never did and never will happen.

I wondered if he even remembers all the times we spent laughing, eating, playing and crying together. He should've stopped Renee from taking me away if he really loved me. He should've tried to make their marriage work, if not for nothing then for me.

Did he think that, like him, I'd already moved on?

He couldn't be more wrong, because I still keep all those memories safely locked up, not willing to ever forget them.

Who knew he had already shoved them all into a bottomless pit.

----x---

By the time I had composed myself, Charlie was long gone.

Seeing the glorious sun shining bright outside for the first time since I had been in Forks, and seeing that I'd already missed first and second period, thus making it too late to go to school anyway, I grabbed my tattered copy of _Wuthering Heights, _eager to avail the opportunity for as long as I could, and headed outside.

I looked for an inconspicuous spot and then I found it. A huge willow tree separating our house from our neighbours'. Perfect.

I trudged over and plopped onto the base of the tree, making sure that the tree hid me from plain sight of the main road. I wouldn't want to be caught playing truant by any of the 'concerned' neighbours. I opened up the book and started reading _Wuthering Heights_ for what must've been the hundredth time.

Call me deliberately melancholic or a hopeless romantic but I had always found solace in the book. It was there for me whenever I'd felt alone, depressed, unloved, miserable, or just plain wretched. I could practically recite, line by line, the dialogue of my favourite scenes in the book. I was practically a _Wuthering Heights_ geek. Every time my English teacher back in Phoenix handed out literature component exercises I always went back to the book for references. The first few times were golden; I'd gotten as high as an A-. But by the 23rd essay, she'd gotten so tired of seeing the names Heathcliff and Catherine that she gave me detention.

Whatever.

I was so engrossed in what Heathcliff was saying that I didn't even hear my voice being called until a very well-built – almost muscular – boy with an outrageous grin was standing right in front of me.

"You must be Bella Swan!" he bellowed.

I looked up and tried to keep the annoyance off my face, focusing on looking ever-so-pleasant instead.

"Yep that would be me… and you are?"

"Cullen... Emmett Cullen," he stated in what seemed to be an impresonation of Sean Connery as James Bond, and not a good one if I might add, but I couldn't help but chuckle.

"So... how you doin'?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows in the process.

"Joey, now is it," I replied with a huge grin plastered to my face. I couldn't help it. His grin was too infectious!

"You watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S religiously! I like you, Swan!" His grin grew larger than what I thought was humanly possible. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"Woah, you're hot for a seventeen-year-old!" he remarked with a wink. "You don't mind if I stalk you, do you?"

I gaped at him for two seconds before replying.

"And how old are you Cullen… Emmett Cullen?" I replied in an impersonation of mine, which failed more spectacularly than his.

We both burst out laughing.

"To be honest, I don't really watch James Bond," he admitted sheepishly as he sat on the grass beside me. "Just the first two Connery ones and the George Lazenby one."

"Good," I replied with an encouraging smile, "because I was about to label you a chauvinistic, womanizing nuisance."

He pretended to look shocked. "Nuisance? Me? I'd only thought that was a great way to pick chicks up!"

We must've talked for ages; before I knew it the sky was streaked with the last rays of the sun and I could see Charlie's cruiser turning around the corner. I quickly took my leave and promised to go over to his place the next day. As I was making my way back to the house I realized that that stupid grin was still plastered all over my face. That's when I knew that Emmett Cullen and I would be great friends.

-----x----

I went over to the couch, turned on the TV and prayed silently for our first confrontation, which was inevitable after what I did this morning, to go smoothly as I heard Charlie's keys tinkling and his footsteps approaching. I tensed, waiting for him to come into the living room where I sat and begin to lecture me about house rules. Rule No. 1: no bringing up the past. Rule No. 2: I mind my business and you mind yours. That extends to PTA meetings. Rule No. 3: no sentimentality.

Instead, he went straight to the kitchen. I could see that he was holding a pizza box, but since I couldn't smell it I deduced that it was cold. Probably leftovers from the station.

I heard sounds coming from the kitchen: the pizza box being set on the table, the tap running for a while, a tired sigh from Charlie, porcelain plates clinking with one another, the sound of cardboard rustling, then his footsteps approaching.

"Brought pizza. In the kitchen," Charlie mumbled as he flopped down with his slice next to me and turned the channel to some football match. We sat in silence for what seemed to be eons. Then I decided that this just couldn't go on.

"I'm going over to the Cullens' house tomorrow."

"Mmm. 'Kay. I'm not going to be home anyway," Charlie replied with his eyes still glued to the TV, the pizza slice uneaten.

I started to feel anger boiling to the surface.

"Will you goddamn look at me?!" I half-yelled.

Charlie looked startled but composed himself hastily. He looked away. He fucking looked away.

Oh the nerve.

That did it. I snapped. I snatched the plate from his hand and threw it across the room, shattering it in the process.

Charlie's face turned purple at once.

"Go to your room – NOW."

The anger in his eyes was nothing compared to mine.

"No," I replied defiantly. Every inch of me pulsed with rage, hurt, confusion, bewilderment, hesitation – what was I doing? But I didn't want to back down. I couldn't. My pride held me back.

It seemed that Charlie's pride was the size of mine as well.

He got to his feet and grabbed me by my arm so abruptly and tightly that I cried out in pain and shock. I trashed. "Let go of me! LET GO!"

"I will when you finally decide to grow up," he said through gritted teeth. Charlie dragged me up the stairs to my room as I tried to pull and jerk my hand away from his iron grip. A few times I lost my footing and fell onto the step, but Charlie didn't even look down or loosen his hand – he just yanked me back up to my feet and went on climbing. All the while I screamed my lungs out, cursed him with every single curse word I could think of.

By the time we reached the door to my room my throat was hoarse and his grip had slackened somewhat, but he didn't let go of me until he practically threw the door open and pushed me inside so roughly that I almost fell.

"You stay there until you've learnt to respect me as your father."

I laughed bitterly, fighting the urge to cry. "Sure, why not? And while we're at it let's try you learning to love me as your daughter, eh?"

I could see Charlie bite his lip in restrained anger, as if he was about to retort. I stared directly and arrogantly at him, daring him, challenging him, holding my tears back so that I wouldn't be weaker than him. Come on, Charlie Swan! Let's see what you got!

But he merely slammed the door.

I threw myself onto my bed and let those accursed tears fall down my cheeks.

---x--

"_C'mon darling, just keep moving. Don't you dare stop!" called a frantic voice._

"_I... can't go on… I can't... go… you... go," another voice slurred._

"_ISABELLA MARIE SWAN! I am telling you to keep moving! Don't you dare give up on me!"_

_Blood... there was just so much blood…_

"_Angel... please... for me," the voice pleaded._

_Then the maniacal laughter. A sound so menacing it might as well be the voice of Death itself calling upon us._

I woke up to find myself on my bed, panting and covered in sweat. I was also quite sure that I was screaming at some point seeing as how dry my throat was. I was so sick and tired that I couldn't even manage tears; dry sobs were all that I could conjure up. Wondering what time it was, I turned my head to look at the window, but the curtains were down and I couldn't bring myself to get up, pull them back and look. I looked over at the clock and saw the bright red numbers showing that it was just past sunrise. I stumbled my way to the bathroom for a warm shower. I slipped in the tub twice. I also discovered bruises, especially at the arm where Charlie vice-gripped me, which made me even more sour.

I came back feeling even shittier than usual, but the nightmares usually did that to me.

Once again, I started sobbing knowing what I'd have to do next. There was only one person who could fix it, make me calm down; make the nightmares go away. So I grabbed my cell and started typing up a text message with shaky fingers.

.

_L,_

_U're rite._

_Cum get me?_

_-B_

I read the message over and over, just staring at it blankly, before sending the message, knowing full well that this would just be history repeating itself, but it was only thing that would banish the nightmares out of my mind. I let out a sob at the helplessness of my situation, but it just had to be done.

My cellphone beeped, alerting me of a new text message. I shut my eyes tightly before opening it up, praying to God to ask my mother to forgive me for this.

_B,_

_Missd u lots. K b ready by noon._

_-L_


	4. Chapter 3 Bang Bang

**Chapter 3: Bang Bang**

----x-

That text message.

So oddly calm.

I couldn't help but think that it was the calm right before the storm, no matter how clichéd it sounded.

I paced nervously around the house, constantly berating myself for being so weak as to have to resort back to... that. To her. L.

I should've done something else, should've left them alone. I felt a shiver pass down my spine. Looking nervously over my shoulder at the clock, I realized it was only nine. Rather than simply waiting on pins and needles for three hours, I wandered upstairs and ended up in front of my closet.

---x-

11:25am. Bella Swan, Forks.

I laid myself on the bed, my eyes shut as I tried to tune the world out with my iPod. I let myself sink into the velvety brass horns of Koop, then let my spirit lift and swirl in sardonic blackness to Paramore and Green Day. They didn't work either. My nerves remained so tense you could probably pluck a song out of them. I finally threw myself out of bed, put my iPod on Shuffle and went to the closet.

Lykke Li's 'I'm Good, I'm Gone' instantly came on, overriding Green Day's 'Jesus of Suburbia'.

I winced – it sounded like an omen. A bad one. I immediately switched songs – my iPod instantly chose 'Angel With Attitude' by The Ditty Bops, as if it could sense my wincing. A bit too folksy but at least it put me in a cheerier mood.

I decided to wear one of the many skirts Renee had bought for me back in Phoenix. Previously I would've never worn the thing, but under the circumstances it was the most suitable. It was a satiny black skirt with a slight flair at the end that ended right before my knee, which I coupled with a white-off shoulder t-shirt. My style statement was intended to be 'I'm too much of a prude so stay away from me.' However, I shuddered at the thought of what I looked like back in Phoenix; I could've easily been taken for a hooker.

I started to feel claustrophobic. The walls were closing in on me. I huffed and pulled myself up from the couch and went outside to wait. Just then a realization hit me. Emmett Cullen. I had promised to go over to his place. I became flustered and decided it would be better if I just went over and give him some lame ass excuse for why I couldn't come over today, since I'd stupidly forgotten to ask his cellphone number from him.

It took me a while to find my way to the Cullens' home, the main reason being that it was situated very far away from the main road. All too soon, however, I was standing nervously on the Cullens' front porch, gathering myself before facing Emmett.

I rang the bell and waited.

His thundering footsteps could be heard on the stairs from a mile away, and suddenly the front door blasted open with Emmett standing with the biggest grin ever.

"Hey there Swan, kinda early isn't it?"

"Hey Emmett, I –"

"But it's cool, y'know. I don't have to go hun – I mean, go anywhere," his grin grew wider than what I thought was humanly possible. "Anyway, so what'dya wanna do? My best friend from college just-"

"Actually, Em… I have to go somewhere today. I completely forgot to tell you... I'm really sorry," I said, trying to look sincerely apologetic. What the heck – I AM sincerely sorry that I had to bail out on him like that.

"Oh…" His grin fell, and he looked like a little boy who had just had his favorite toy snatched away from him.

He looked so crestfallen that my conscience jumped the boat before my brain could authorize it. Dang. "I _could_ stay for a little while though…?" I asked hesitantly.

"Great," he agreed instantly, and with that the grin was back in place.

---x-

11:30 am. L; 30 minutes away from Forks.

Pathetic. No other word could describe our pitiful Bella more perfectly. Who was that idiot trying to fool? She couldn't have fucking changed that fast even if she really wanted to! No one does. I wonder what my skank-of-a-friend is up to in a little old shithole like Forks. She was never one for the small town mumbo jumbo anyway. So what if your friggin' mother died. People die all the time. Why the emo-ness?

We had such bloody good times together. That is until she went completely fucking berserk. Did she really think that by slapping me and screaming out all the itsy profanities her puny mind could come up with, she could instantly get rid of me?

I don't think so, bitch.

First my man, then ditching everyone and getting them in trouble. Who did she fucking think she was? She was one of us and should be as fucking blamed as we were. She was one of us, damn it, one of US.

But hey, fuck it – why cry over split fucking milk huh? It's time for Big L to show her what she can really do. You do _not_ fucking mess with me babe.

Seriously, what the hell was she thinking when she asked me to 'come get her'? Did she leave her brains in Phoenix or something? First she abandons me, then that skank has the nerve to ask me, ME, of all people!

Jeez!

Oh fuck it. All the better for my cause anyway. I didn't figure that I'd have to move this soon but heck, no time is better than the present, now is it?

Dear darling "sweet-voiced" Isabella Swan, you have been quite the naughty girl, haven't you? Well, payback's a bitch hun.

---x-----

11:35 am. Bella Swan, Forks.

I could swear that I was going to pass out pretty soon. My emotions were overwhelming me. I felt anger, depression, joy, anxiety and nausea all bundled up inside me in one unbearable giant ball. Emmett coerced me into playing some game on his Playstation 3. Nothing like mindless violence to get your mind off… things, right? I suppose that's how it was intended to work, but... I think not. All the blood... it was disturbingly familiar. I felt queasy at the sight of it, even if it was pixelated. Damn these new high-def games. Too vivid for my taste.

I honestly couldn't be bothered to put in the least bit of effort. I felt a little too sick for that. I might have been better under different circumstances considering the fact that I used to have a PS3 of my own back in Phoenix and that I used to love it almost as much as I loved my guitar and my books.

I diverted my gaze over to Emmett and the intense concentration on his face was highly amusing.

"Bellaaaa," he whined, just as I unintentionally killed one of his teammates.

"Sorry, Em," I replied hoarsely.

Emmett looked over to me with a weird expression. "Are you feeling okay? You look kinda pale."

"I'm fine Em," I replied with the best fake smile I could conjure up.

"Are you sure you're fine? 'Cause you don't look fine."

"I said I'm fine," I said a bit too harshly. _Fine fine fine fine fine fine_, I repeated to myself moodily.

With one final glance at me, Emmett got back to concentrating on the game. Blood began spewing everywhere on the screen once more, but no amount of screaming and gunshots could mask the wisp of awkwardness hanging in the air.

"You're going down Cullen," I said in a sinister tone after a long moment, trying to lighten the suddenly dark mood.

Emmett looked over at me with a gigantic grin. I decided that I should give him incentive to call be back over, that I would win this game. I think winning should be a lucrative enough incentive for Emmett. Out of nowhere, I pulled a few strategic yet sneaky moves. Emmett looked over at me with a bewildered expression then hastily tore his gaze from me and frantically tried to save his characters from my warpath.

--x-

I must've beaten Emmett a hundred times at that stupid game, at that same stupid level, and every time I did I was met with the same request and cocky smirk.

"Aww, c'mon. Rematch. You, me. Right here, right now."

"Em, we've been at this for God knows how long!" I replied, frankly quite exasperated and verging on dismembering his hands with my own bare hands.

The flying body parts were really getting into my head.

"What, _you're_ chickening out on _me_?" Emmett asked, smirk firmly in place.

I sighed and couldn't help but comply. Anything, anything to wipe that annoying smirk off his face "Fine. Let's do this."

And then we were off again.

---x---

11:45 am. Emmett Cullen, Forks.

I wondered what was up with Bella. She seemed sick; she was all pale and shit. I debated with myself over whether or not I should ask Carlisle to have a look at her. Every time the thought crossed my mind, she did something that made me realize that she had some serious style when it came to playing on the PS3. I was being completely mutilated! She didn't even look like she was concentrating. I mean, her eyes were kinda glazed over. Seriously, I thought any second she was going to start, I dunno, drooling or something.

Once again, I was really worried. I had only known Bella for a day now and I was already too attached. She was like a little sister to me already. I loved the way she called me Em. It reminded me of Lily so much.

Lily…

No, I definitely shouldn't let myself become too attached to Bella. Who knows? Maybe she'll end up hurting me too.

A particularly loud explosion drew me out of my reverie.

I hastily looked back at the game only to find Bella winning again. Boy, this girl was ruining my rep.

I looked over at her, once again, with my eyes popping out of my head. I couldn't believe I was losing. To a girl. A very distracted girl, of all things. Could life get any worse?

I frantically started pressing all the buttons once again.

--x---

11:40am. Bella Swan, Forks.

I reluctantly looked over at the clock, wondering how much time I had left. 20 minutes. Just 20 minutes. My heart started beating erratically.

"Emmett, I really have to go now. My ride should be here in a minute or two," I said quietly.

"Okay then, I'll walk you out."

"No!" I replied a bit too loudly.

Emmett looked taken aback.

"Um.., I meant, okay if you think it's necessary," I amended sheepishly.

Emmett looked at me with a most curious expression and gave me a small smile. "Well, come on then."

We walked out of the Cullen house rather slowly.

I wondered what Emmett could possibly be thinking of at this point. My heart had practically been jumping out of my chest – and not in a good way – the whole time I was with him. The walk to my front porch seemed incredibly long.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later then."

"Yeah, definitely," I said with the biggest smile I could muster.

Just as Emmett turned around to leave a bright blue convertible pulled up right in front of Charlie's house and out came the queen of the bitches herself, Lauren Mallory, in the flesh. I shuddered at the thought that I probably looked something like her back in Phoenix. She was wearing excessive makeup coupled with what one could hardly call clothes: a hot pink skirt which barely covered her ass coupled with a top which had a plunging neckline. I blushed just looking at her. Emmett, at this point, was frozen to the spot, looking shocked.

"Bella dahling!" Lauren squealed the most annoying of all squeals. I flinched at the sound of her voice and acknowledged her with the smallest nod and a forced smile which probably looked like a grimace.

I waited, well okay more like dreaded, the eventual hug and squeeze but she stopped short when she noticed Emmett, who was gaping at her shamelessly. He was either too stunned to react or had amazingly low inhibition.

"Ooooh," she bit her lower lip as she sidled up to him, "And _who_ might this sexy piece of manhood be?" she asked while boldly trailing her fingers along Emmett's arm.

Emmett finally regained his senses and jerked his hand away from her. "See you later Bella," he said before giving me a look which said: 'You're associated with _her_?!' as he walked off.

"Ooh, touchy much?" she remarked as she straightened up and fiddled with her Farrah hair.

"L, can we just go now?" I asked quietly.

"Aww Bella, sure we can," she replied in a falsely sweet voice.

She led me to her convertible and got in herself. I walked over to my side and pulled open the door with shaky fingers. I couldn't believe that I was actually doing this.

_It's okay, Bella_, I told myself sternly. _I need this_. Steeling myself, I put all my inhibitions aside and got in.

The moment I slammed the door shut, Lauren hit the accelerator and we sped off. I thought I saw Emmett standing on the side of the road with a disgusted yet hurt and confused expression on his face. His gaze followed me until he went out of eyesight.

Screw him.

I threw my head back, shut my eyes and took a deep breath, willing myself to shove his face out of my mind and just enjoy the ride.

----x----

The silence in the convertible was comfortable for me but apparently it wasn't for Lauren. She reached out and blasted the radio to full volume and a song called "Beautiful Dirty Rich" by someone called Lady GaGa came on. Once again Lauren squealed her squeal. The beat was catchy, I had to admit, but the way Lauren was singing oozed more skank than GaGa herself. The lyrics didn't help her case either.

_Beautiful, dirty dirty rich rich dirty dirty  
Beautiful dirty rich  
Dirty dirty rich dirty dirty rich beautiful  
Beautiful and dirty dirty rich rich dirty_

_We got a red-light  
Pornographic dance fight  
Systematic, honey  
But we go no money_

_Our hair is perfect  
While we're all getting shit wrecked  
It's automatic, honey  
But we got no money_

_Daddy I'm so sorry, I'm so s-s-sorry yeah  
We just like to party, like to p-p-party yeah_

_Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich_

"C'mon Bella sing with me!" Lauren squealed.

"No thanks Lauren."

"Oh come on! This is what you do best, right? Singing? La-fa-la-dee-la?"

I scoffed. "Yeah, right."

"I said SING." Lauren demanded abruptly, throwing a glare at me.

Suffice to say I was startled.

She immediately turned the glare off and eked out a sweet, pleading Puss In Boots look. "I said sing Bella, I want you to sing with me," she said in her fake sweet voice.

Since Lauren was the one behind the wheel and it would take ages for medical help to arrive if she ever decided to swerve the car off the road and into the wilderness of Forks, I acquiesced. I had promised myself that I would never sing again and I intended to keep that promise. I pretended to clear my throat. Lauren let out another ear-piercing squeal.

I put very little effort into one line:

_Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich._

My voice came out in nothing less than a whisper.

Her expression changed at once. From happy to angry. "I said _sing, _you fuckin' bitch!" Lauren screamed.

I stared blankly at Lauren. I couldn't believe this was happening.

Out of nowhere, I saw her palm flying towards my face and felt her clawed hand striking me across my cheek.

"Sing. Now," Lauren said through clenched teeth.

I unintentionally started dry-sobbing. I knew I shouldn't have called her. I had acted like such an idiot and I was sure she would hurt me if I didn't sing now but I still shut my eyes tightly and took a deep breath.

"I don't know the song Lauren… I really don't know."

She scoffed. "Well it's playing isn't it?! Just listen and sing the fuck along."

The fierceness in her eyes was intimidating. So I began trying to follow the lyrics in a louder voice than before.

_We -live a cu-te life  
Sound-fem-atic, pants tigh-ter than plastic, -honey  
But we got no m-mo-ney_

_We do the dance right  
We got it made like  
Ice cream topped with honey  
But we got no money_

Apparently, Lauren was satisfied with my off-key "singing" and resumed singing in her high-pitched and squeaky voice.

_Daddy I'm so sorry, I'm so s-s-sorry yeah  
We just like to party, like to p-p-party yeah_

_Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich  
Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich_

_A bang bang bang, bang bang bang, beautiful, dirty rich  
A bang bang bang, bang bang bang, beautiful, dirty rich_

_Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich  
Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich_

"That wasn't too hard now, was it Bella?" she asked, switching flawlessly back to her falsely sweet voice.

"Take me home, Lauren."

"Hah! Now that's funny! You expect me to take you home after coming this far? I think not."

"Please," I begged.

"Just shut the fuck up, Bella. You asked me to take you there and I am. So just – you know, do us all a huge fuckin' favour – and shut up."

I didn't bother replying after that. I just looked straight ahead at the road ahead of us, regretting what I had just gotten myself into.

------------------x----------

After what seemed to be eons, we finally stopped.

I looked out the window to see that we had come to a club in Seattle called Trinity Club. Wait a sec, this wasn't the Seattle club we usually go to. My heart immediately started pounding crazily. I had a really bad feeling about this, but I doubted that Lauren would give me a choice.

"We're hereee, dahliiing!" she screeched, doing a little clap. I felt like I was going to be sick, but I just held my tongue. She checked her reflection in the side mirror before turning to me with a vicious grin. "Welcome home, Bella." She reached into her handbag and threw my worn out fake ID onto my lap. The fake ID I'd used countless times before; my passport to debauchery.

She watched me stare at it apprehensively. Stared as my own face stared back at me from the ID. But that face, my face, didn't belong to Bella Swan, but to 21-year-old Rebecca Marsh. I gulped, remembering how I'd threw it into her face before I yelled at her to get the fuck out of my life. I could feel her glare bear down on me, drilling holes into the side of my face, as if preparing to strangle me alive should I reject it.

Finally she heaved an exasperated sigh. "Oh cut the sentimental crap, Bella! Let's GO!" She shouldered her handbag, deliberately knocking my hand with it as she swung around and got out of the car.

I looked at myself in the mirror, threw my head back in frustration, shut my eyes and hoped that I would wake up to find myself at home. When that didn't work, I took a deep breath to prepare myself for what was happening and finally sent a tiny prayer before exiting the horrendous convertible.

The breeze struck me with such force that I thought that I would topple over. I was already feeling queasy and light-headed as it is. Lauren was already at the entrance flirting shamelessly with the bouncer.

The sound I heard was oddly sinister: a soft whistling in the breeze.

Then the next thing I heard were five words that wouldn't stop ringing in my head. The calm before the storm.


	5. Chp4 Drumming Fingers & Primal Instincts

_Chapter 4: Primal Instincts and Drumming Fingers._

-------------x-------

I stood at the entrance to hell with shaky feet.

I could hear the menacing chuckles, the tinkling, uneven laugh of the moped from where I stood, clinging to Lauren as she tried to convince the bouncer that we were 21. Well at least she looked like it. I certainly didn't. The bouncer looked me up and down, frowning and trying to get me to admit that I was still under the age limit. I could only pretend to look nonchalant as I held my ID out. The truth was that I was struck with both fear and hesitation but a strange eagerness to let the fun and games begin.

But fear won the jostle.

As if on cue, I could feel tears beginning to sting at the corner of my eyes.

I heard Lauren curse and the next thing I knew I was being sucked in. I whimpered. I wasn't sure whether this was what I wanted anymore.

--x-

The sights that I saw were all too familiar.

The music pounding and blasting.

The lights flashing.

All the grinding, drinking and the vague chatter.

I suddenly remembered why I used to do this in the first place.

I was fighting an ongoing and futile battle against the old me. Two parts of the same, battling for dominance.

The familiarity was overwhelming. It was inviting me with open arms. Calling my name in the most seductive of voices. It was... comfortable almost, and I was being drawn in, like a moth to flame.

I tried concentrating on anything and everything else. I couldn't give in to what had been my primal instincts before. If I did there would be no coming back. All that I had done to control myself until now would be moot. Charlie would probably kick me out... leaving me with absolutely nothing.

Yet, the familiarity was so soothing. I felt all the abhorrent emotions I had felt the past few days mold themselves into the loud beats erupting around me. At that moment I felt serene.

I shut my eyes and I could feel a small smile appear on my face.

Yes, that was exactly what I needed.

I felt so alive for the first time in so many days.

I just couldn't help myself. As much as I hated myself for it, I just wanted to scream and lose control. Just throw my hands in the air and just let go of all that I had been harboring inside. I let out a little chuckle at the fact that this is what my sanctuary, my innocent meadow, had been exchanged for. This is where I came to forget about everything, where I came to run away. I just wanted to dance and lose myself. I felt like laughing so hard along with Lauren just like I used to. Laugh so hard that it would hurt like hell. Laugh so hard that it would make me go numb.

The sights, sounds and smells were all so intoxicating.

I submitted to my primal instincts. I made my way over to Lauren. She was watching me with the biggest smirk plastered on her face. I gave her the very first genuine smile I had smiled after moving to Forks.

And so the predetermined battle was won by my primal instincts.

---x---

**LPOV**

_  
"I'mma go to the bar, L. I waaant drink!" Bella said quite...drunkenly._

"No, you stay here Bella, _I'll_ get it for you," I suggested in what I hoped was an offhand (rather than excruciatingly exasperated) tone. Not that drunken Bella would have picked up on anything subtle in the state she was in.

I was parched myself so I quickly made my way over to the bar and left Bella to her grinding. My legs were killing me! I had forgotten that drunk Bella was a dancing machine! Honestly, that was a surprise; she always claimed to be so clumsy. Clumsy my ass! She had been dancing for a good portion of the time that we had been here. Even _I _couldn't keep up with her. Clearly, she had some time off from partying to get all of her energy back.

I groaned at the sight of the same appalling-looking bartender who had been serving us the whole time.

"Back again eh? Can't stay away from meh can you baybeh?" The server said with a look which made me feel like he was undressing me with his eyes. Ugh. He even wiggled his eyebrow – his unibrow. _Disgusting. _He could NEVER measure up to my standards. I mean, did he really think he had a chance with _me_?!

"Shut the fuck up and get me my drinks." I replied, annoyed as hell. The guy had been hitting on me the whole time I had been there! Not that I mind guys hitting on me. Just this _thing _which was quite frankly _disgusting._

He grunted and went to fetch my drinks. I flipped my hair and laid my throbbing head on my hands. I hadn't gotten any sleep last night. Unlike _some _people I was out having fun and –

A loud squeal pulled me out of my reverie. I looked over to find some girl getting groped – probably for the first time. _God. _I stared incredulously. The girl was out of control! She was practically drooling all over the guy. Seriously, I wouldn't have been surprised if she, like, ate his face off or something. I looked away in disgust.

The bartender came back and set the drinks in front of me, and gave me what he probably thought was his 'sexy' look but it seriously made me want to vomit. I did my best not to gag. After taking a very deep breath, I brought my gaze back to the bartender and gave him the sweetest smile I could possibly have smiled. He looked at me in utter desperation. Seeing my indifference behind my blindingly bright smile, he then huffed and stalked off.

I took out the little sachet of Kellar that I had hidden in the belt of my skirt and discretely poured the remaining contents into Bella's drink. That should do it: the last dose. All I needed after this last drink was fifteen minutes. Just fifteen minutes. I repeated that like a life-saving mantra in my head.

I grabbed the drinks and searched the crowd for Bella. Ah, she seemed to be having fun. She was getting felt up, by a _really _hot guy might I add. Lucky girl, she always did get the _hottest _ones. I was always second best at everything, no matter what it was. Be it our music, clothes, or guys. But not for long, Bella dear. You ain't gonna be around to be the best anymore.

Catching my eye, she skipped over with a euphoric grin, landing on one feet with a whoop.

"Which one is mine? Which one is mine?" she asked giddily, as if I was giving out free candy.

I fought the urge to slap her face there and then. "Here," I said, handing over her drink, smiling as sweetly as I could. Urgh. I deserve a medal for the amount of fake sweet smiles that I'd forced myself to smile all day long.

She took a long gulp and let out a sigh of contentment. She stared at the glass, then at me. Her brows were knitted, as if a thought just struck her. I tried to keep my face as straight as possible; did she –

"This tastes really, _reaaally_ good, L," she said, the stupid drunken grin back on her face. I was so relieved that I burst out laughing, and she joined me. There we stood, two out-and-about-town girls, laughing like hell over nothing. Just like the good old days.

Except for the fact that I was nowhere as drunk as she was. Over time I'd gotten myself immunized to alcohol – unlike darling Bella it took a hell lot more than three drinks to get me stoned. But I pretended I was anyway, just in case she suspected anything through her drunken haze.

Before she could take one last gulp another_ extremely _hot guy surprised Bella by smacking her ass. The contents of the glass went flying out. I jumped back, alarmed by the flying drink heading my way. Thankfully, it landed safely at my feet.

Bella giggled and put her hands around his waist. I could only stare in shock.

"Hey babe," he said with a cheeky grin before nuzzling the nape of her neck. "What took you so long, huh?"

"Hi," Bella slurred back while sneakily moving her hands to cup his butt cheeks.

_Ugh. _I walked away without turning back.

Plopping myself down on a discrete, cushy couch in the corner, I anxiously checked my Fossil wristwatch. Only thirteen minutes.

I shut my eyes and lay my head back. God, it hurt like hell. I needed my dose for today; it was killing me, being away from it.

The loud and annoying song was not comforting either.

_I've had a little bit too much, much  
All of the people start to rush, start to rush by  
A dizzy twisted dance, can't find my drink, oh man  
Where are my keys? I lost my phone, phone_

_What's going on on the floor?  
I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore  
Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?  
I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright_

_Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm  
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm  
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance  
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance  
_  
_(music continues)_

After many long, agonizing moments, I forced myself to scan the crowds for Bella. She was dancing with the hot guy from earlier. _HOT _dancing. Just like she used to back in Phoenix. I knew that slutty Bella would come around!

I sighed at the thought of waiting for another ten minutes.

Bella was already acting like a raving lunatic confirming that the drugs were taking effect. I gave a triumphant grin. Bella was such an idiot. I thought she would have known better than to get herself drunk after _I _had slapped her in the car! Did she seriously not notice anything? Daft, overly trusting cow.

I shifted my gaze from Bella to the side entrance on the other side of the dance floor. Seeing no one of interest, I got up and paced back and forth nervously. Where could he be? He said he'd be here once I had Bella safely drugged. He couldn't risk coming out in front of Bella like that. I groaned in frustration, not quite seeing why he thought his idea was better than mine.

"Jus' wanna have fun with it, Laur." That's what he had said.

She would probably have a massive coronary when she saw what I had in store for her. I let out a boisterous laugh at the thought.

I spun my head around realizing that I should be watching a _very_ out of control Bella. I looked around nervously wondering what she was up to now.

"Bel-la! Bel-la! Bel-la! Bel-la!" I turned my head at the sound, feeling alarmed. A small, noisy crowd had formed at the bar, mostly guys, and they were chanting her name? What the hell? Then I spotted her in the middle of the crowd, together with the same guy from before, and they were rapidly downing – probably tequila – shot after shot like they were water. Drinking game. Hmmph. Bella gulped the last shot and thrust her hands up in the air. The crowd erupted in a loud cheer.

I shook my head and looked away, feeling almost bored. No surprises there – drinking games were one of Bella's favourite things to do back in Phoenix.

Damn, she's going to have one massive hangover tomorrow… or maybe not. I wouldn't let my friend have a killer hangover, now, would I? After all, if that were the case, I would have to make sure that she live through today for that hangover.

I drummed my fingers impatiently waiting for that bastard to arrive.

**Emmett POV**

Well damn, I was looking forward to spending the day with Bella. Now I'm stuck walking aimlessly around the neighborhood looking for something to do.

She seemed like a very cool kid actually, more mature than others her age. Heck! She's even more mature than me! Then again, the others would probably point out that it was hardly difficult to achieve in the first place.

Heck though, what was the point of all my mates coming to Forks for the summer if we couldn't hang out? Edward was staying with his aunt and uncle while Jazz and Rose were staying at the Brandons' place.

Then there's me, stuck alone. Where's the justice in that?

I'm glad Jazz found a girlfriend, truly I am. I was seriously under the impression that the guys were gay or something! I can't even remember the last time Edward went out on a date!

Sometimes I wonder how I ever became friends with the two biggest prudes on the whole planet. But damn, that little pixie. Who does she think she is, stealing my friends?

I stopped in my tracks as an idea struck me. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen were probably at the Charity Gala weekend that was held in Port Angeles! That would mean that Edward would be home alone – and hopefully up for doing something. I quickly went through everyone's schedules in my head.

Shit, Jasper was probably working.

I rummaged through the kazillion candy wrappers in my pocket looking for my cell.

I popped it open and typed up a message really quickly.

_EddiE Daaahling_

_FrEe drinks At tRiNitY, On jAzZ_

_'eM at da bUs StOp neAr mY pLaCe._

_- eM_

I sat down at the bus stop waiting for a reply.

Gosh, was the guy slow. I'm waiting here! I huffed. My cell finally buzzed after two long minutes.

Finally! I flicked it open in a flash.

_**Emmie bear. =**__]_

_**Stop calling me that. **__I'll come get you._

-Ed**ward**

Haha! My boy was finally learning something from my constant name-calling!

I snapped my cell shut and drummed my fingers impatiently as I waited for Edwaaaard-O.

------------------------x-----------------

**???POV**

The traffic was killing me! But what the hell – for the millionth time, I couldn't believe Lauren was letting me do this. She was so fricking awesome that it's hard to contain my gushing. How can all the good in the world be contained in one soul?! I sighed. Her perfect body. Her silvery hair... So fucking hot. The fact she didn't want me still eluded me. I was perfect. Blond hair, tall and – most importantly – willing to do anything she asked for.

On the other hand, Bella isn't any less hotter than Lauren. She might be smaller than her but still mind-blowingly hot At least I would have fun with what I was gonna do. Whenever Bella wasn't safely drugged she'd never let me get as close to her as I always wanted to be. Fine then. I guess I'll just have to do it _my_ way.

I turned onto the street where my little Bella was housed and my heartbeat sped up dramatically.

Just a little while longer _Isabella. _Just a little bit longer.

I drummed a happy little beat on my steering wheel while I waited for the assholes in front of me to locate their gas pedals.


	6. Chapter 5 Its a healthy obsession

Disclaimer: belongs to stephenie meyer. I just mess with the characters.

**Anberlin – Feel Good Drag, The Raconteurs – Consoler of the Lonely, Placebo – Running Up the Hill**

**_Pitiful Apologies and Author's Note at the end. Read on! I've made you wait long enough!_**

**Chapter 5 - It's a healthy obsession.**

Riley POV

I pulled my car to a stop in the alley behind Trinity. I could see the faint silhouette of a man smoking a cigar with his back against the wall, his chin tilted up, blowing hypnotic smoke rings into the air. I smiled.

"Hey Riiiiles," drawled Joe in his usual lazyass, too-cool-to-be-alive kinda way as I approached him. We shook hands, then, with after a hesitant pause, he gave me a brotherly hug. I winced a little. It had been a long time since we'd last met in the flesh, and as confident as I was now, I still wasn't used to this whole… thing.

I grinned anyway as we pulled back and he looked and squinted at me as if he was examining my eyes. Ah, good ol' Joe: twentysomething, blonde, blue eyes… yeah, he still had all the works.

"Boy, you weren't kidding when you said that you needed tonight."

"Yeah well, _that_, and a little something that I gotta do for my lady friend in there," I replied nonchalantly, nudging my chin in the direction of the inside.

He snickered.

"You haven't changed a shit, have you? Still dogging Lauren like a lost puppy?"

"I **know **I'm perfect for her."

Joe shrugged and opened the door to let us both in. "I'll be watching your back, dude. Just in case."

I merely snorted back in response.

We made our way down the corridors, soon entering the sweltering hot main room. I did a once-over the room, looking for Lauren. The wait was killing me... I couldn't even remember when the last time I saw her was.

My eyes skidded to a stop.

Sitting across the room was my Aphrodite; the very personification of perfection.

The way her blond hair caressed her cheek as she looked over to her side, the way her ice blue eyes penetrated my heart, the way each muscle stretched as she reached out for her drink, the way she threw her head back and her soft groans cancelled out the loud music, the way her long, slender fingers pulled her cell out from her hot pink bag and the way-

My cell phone buzzed. I huffed and flicked it open, peeved that I had been disturbed.

_Ri,_

_GET over here._

_L_

Beside me, Joe gave a short laugh and slapped me on the back. "Go get 'em tiger." I laughed, somewhat nervously, in return as I tucked my phone back in my jeans. I was met with Lauren's murderous glare the moment I looked up. I feigned a bothersome look at her by rolling my eyes, but I pushed past the hordes of people on the dance floor and made my way towards her, my insides praying desperately for her forgiveness...

"Hey babe," I said, flashing my best smile.

"s'bout time you got here! I've been like waiting for ages!" Lauren screeched over the din of the music with her glorious voice as she hit me across the head with her purse.

"Ow… owwww Laurrr-" I said while rubbing the back of my head. Damn that girl could whack! I wonder -

"O.M.G. Like stop thinking about me, you perv! UGH. You are like, so sick. I mean like, seriously..!"

Woah… She knew what I was thinking...

I sighed. Could this girl possibly be any more perfect?

I shimmied closer to her. The distance was just too much. I needed to feel her. Smell that fruity scent of her hair that teased my nostrils as if it was a dewdrop from heaven.

"Will you please get on with it? Stop being such a slowass!" Lauren exclaimed as she gave my shoulders a shove.

Could this possibly be the sign I was waiting for? Did she finally return my feelings?!

I tried to snake my arm around her waist. I got closer… and closer.

"ACK! EW RILEEEEEEY get awayyy! You're here for Bella remember?!"

I knew it was too good to be true…

"Ugh. Fine. All business and no play then… So where is the little slut?" I wondered out loud.

"There… No over there! Right next to that blonde guy!" Lauren said as she pointed out to where Bella was dancing.

I left without another word, seething only so slightly with rage and frustration.

------------------------x--------------

**Emmett POV**

" – SHE'LLLLLLLLLL BE COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMESSSS, SHE'LL BE COMING AROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMESSS. SINGIN-

"PLEASE refrain from singing that **atrocious** song Emmett," Edward said with a sigh.

"Oh c'mon Eddie m'boy! It's a road trip innit? SING WITH ME!!!!!!! SHE'LLLLLLLLLL BE COMING AROUND THE – " I stopped abruptly.

"What's wrong Em, cat got your tongue?" Edward chuckled.

"Pull over at the pump."

"What… why? We have enough gas if that's what you're worried about."

". **Pull. Over**."

"Okaaay, calm down man."

Edward pulled the car over to the side.

I hopped out and started to make my way to the little convenience store.

"Can I at least know why we're stopping?" Edward looked confused and a little terrified so, I looked back and told him.

"I want jello."

He scoffed but got down from the car anyways. I tried my best not to grin. I always liked bending Edward to my will; it was like telling Superman to take off his cape. Underneath all the brooding and nonchalance was a softie inside. He wouldn't admit it, of course, but it's in there all right. Somewhere.

"Why do you actually want to eat anything, anyway?" asked Edward as we entered the convenience store. It was empty except for us and the female cashier, whose eyes were fixed at something below the counter. I took a quick peek; a fashion mag, heh.

Just then, she looked up, annoyed, but it changed the moment she saw Edward. She immediately shoved the mag in a drawer and stood up straight. "Can I get you guys anything?" she asked, flashing Edward, and me I guess, a brilliant smile.

Edward, bless his soul, had already been through this situation one too many times. He smiled kindly back at her and put up his hand to tell her no, then promptly looked away. I grabbed the jello pack and put it on the counter, smiling widely at her.

Her grin faded a bit but she kept smiling anyways as she asked, "Is that all?"

"I'm Emmett," I blurted out. "And you are – " I glanced at her nametag, "Lily. I'm Emmett."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah I kinda got that the first time."

I wanted to slap myself so bad. I could hear Edward snigger behind me as he investigated the magazine rack.

"I'm sorry, I'm not usually like this, heh, you know? I'm just a guy – a guy can get nervous, can't he?"

She arched her eyebrows and tried to keep her pleasant smile, but I knew that I was trying her patience. I could feel that she was **THIS** close to throwing me out physically. So I fumbled with my wallet, paid for the jello, and said a quick bye before grabbing Edward abruptly by the shoulder and headed for the exit.

"Bye," she called out, but I knew it was directed for Edward. And Edward, bless his soul for the millionth time, didn't reciprocate.

--------------x-------------------

Riley POV

By the time I caught up with Bella, she was dancing with a redhead.

I tapped her on her shoulder and called out: "Hey Jingle Bells!"

Bella spun around smacking me with her out of control limbs.

"Rye rye! What are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu doing 'ere! " A red-faced Bella slurred.

"Heard you were hanging around this place, so thought I'd drop by," I said giving her my most charming smile.

Bella shrieked for joy and flung her arms around my neck. "Awww, that's sooooooo sweet Rye Rye!"

I definitely could work with this new Bella. At least one thing hadn't changed. Bella's low tolerance for her alcohol. You could make Bella do literally ANYTHING once she was all drunk and feisty like this. Sure she would cry and mope about it a day later but hey, she'd willingly get drunk again the next night; just rinse and repeat.

"Hey, I want to show you something! Come with me," I grabbed Bella's wrist and started to pull her towards the VIP rooms.

"No, Rye ryeeeeeeeeee I wanna dannnnnnnnnnnnceee. Come dance with meeee!!" She started to pull the other way.

"Jingle Bells, you trust me right? And besides, this thing I wanna show you, is waaaay more fun than dancing." I lowered my voice to give it that dangerous glint I knew she would love.

She tilted her head at me, her eyes wide but glazed. "Really?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"Ermm…." she looked up, stuck her tongue up at the sky, then shook her head back at me with a giggle. God, she was really intoxicated this time. All the better.

"Then what are we waiting for?" I gave her my most charming grin and tugged her hand once.

This time she followed me willingly straight into the VIP room.

**Emmett POV**

We handed in our ID's for checking at the entrance to Trinity.

"I know you're smarting, Em," said Edward suddenly. He'd been deathly silent all the way from the convenience store to the club, till now that is.

"Oh thanks, Ed. How did you know that I was smartypants in my family?" I joked back. I knew what he really meant, but man he really needs to keep the fancy words to a minimum. He narrowed his eyes at me and me, being the big softie I am when it comes to Edward and girls, sighed and gave up. "Fine. Smarting from what? The girl at the convenience store?" I snorted. "She's just a girl."

He scoffed. "You're a bit miffed that she snubbed you."

"Wow, rocket science, Ed. Here's a gold star for you!" I pretended to attach a ribbon to his collar. He gave me that soulless stare again and I put my hands up. "Okay fineee, so I am a little mad. But it isn't a big deal, I mean – you're Edward Cullen. Girls have been tripping over their hair for you since the Spanish flu."

"You know that I don't enjoy that kind of attention, Em," he said in an exasperated way.

"I know, but well – it's nice to be the rock star once in a while," I mumbled the last part out.

Edward glanced at his watch and pretended not to hear me. "Jasper's not going to like this... His shift ended 20 minutes ago. He's probably working overtime so that you can get that free drink."

"No, you worrywart, Jasper still owes me from that bet we made last summer after graduation remember? He can't complain, and he won't."

Once we got our IDs back we made our way inside.

Jasper was behind the bar, looking as if he was born and raised there the way he juggled tumblers and shook them up and pouring his concoctions from over his shoulder precisely into his customers' cocktail glasses to the sound of wows and claps. The guy really loved his summer job; he actually got it extended to a month after starting college.

Jasper saw us coming his way.

"Hey guys! What took you so long?" Jasper asked, flipping a tumbler behind his back with one hand and catching it expertly with the other. A few really fine-looking young ladies looking for one helluva night about town oohed and did little dainty claps of their own. I wanted to laugh; I could do that too if the club owner wouldn't mind a few dozen broken glasses in case I missed during practice. I hadn't taken my reflexes for a test drive for a while now.

"Emmett here stopped for jello," Edward replied nonchalantly.

Jasper snorted. "Apparently your food cravings didn't die with you. What are you waiting for, guys? Take a load off while I shake something up for ya," he winked at the ladies, who giggled in response. Edward and I exchanged looks, but we sat on the barstools anyway, with Edward next to the girls and me on the far end. As expected, they tossed their hair immaculately and gave him their most charming and seductive smiles, all of which were only met with tight-lipped smiles and flat responses.

My eyes caught an impossibly good-looking, surfer dude-ish man take a seat at the bar. Who wouldn't have missed him, especially from the way he _smelt_. Edward, Jasper and I tensed up, and as if he could sense it, he turned his eyes in our direction. Our eyes met, and the air seemed to vibrate and shimmer from the tension that hung in the air between us. He turned his head away nonchalantly from us, and we looked away as well, and everything went back to normal, as if we hadn't seen anything odd at all.

Jasper made our drinks without the usual spectacle, which disappointed the ladies, and quitted the bar shortly after. The ladies, with nothing left to talk about, took their drinks and excused themselves. I watched them go wistfully. If only I'd been able to get a few sentences of getting-to-know-yous across…

"Come on, let's get outta here," said Jasper as he came up behind us, shouldering on his black leather jacket. He looked super surly.

"Aww come on, Jas," I moaned, gesturing at the murky white cocktail he'd made for me. "We ain't even touched our drinks yet."

"I can make another mojito at home if you want to," he said harshly. His eyes were fixed on Surfer Dude with a hatred so intense it kinda creeped me out.

"Calm down, Jasper," said Edward, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. "Tell us what happened."

Jasper exhaled loudly and nodded stiffly, taking the chair beside Edward. "Seven girls have been found dead over the past month," he said in a low voice, "and they were all last seen here." He cast a sharp glance at Surfer Dude, who was fiddling with his beer, occasionally glancing in the direction of the dance floor.

Jasper grabbed Edward's drink, took a sip, squeezing his eyes shut and grimacing. "God, they weren't joking when they decided to name this the Graveyard. Anyway, the police have been coming in and out of the joint, questioning the regulars, the staff; bullying, even, just so that they have something to work on."

"Why hasn't the media gotten onto this?" said Edward, his eyebrows raised.

"Trinity bought the coppers off to keep this quiet. Else there won't be any business, I won't have my job, and you won't be drinking any free drinks."

I lifted my cocktail glass in acknowledgement. Jasper laughed and Edward smiled; the tension subsided for a moment.

Edward shot another quick look at Surfer Dude. "So you're of the opinion that this has something to do with him? Does that explain your hostility?"

"I saw his eyes once," said Jasper grimly. "He went off with a teenage girl for a few hours and came back for a drink, refreshed, smug and satiated – it was all I could do to keep myself from ripping his heart out there and then." He fell silent, his eyes became distant and glazed over. Edward frowned slightly and put his hand on Jasper's shoulder. "Let's just finish the drinks and go home, all right?"

Jasper jumped, as if awoken from a trance, and nodded quickly. "Right, right. Hey, have some, it's your drink anyway."

Edward looked wistfully at the drink and shook his head. "You need it more than I do."

**Riley POV**

I waved at the club attendant who handled the VIP rooms, who nodded back at me with a grudging smile. Joe was tight with the management here, and since I was tight with him, he'd let me use his tab to get free drinks and free rooms once in awhile.

I led Bella down the winding corridors of the VIP rooms, hearing her gasp and giggle and half-trip over her own shoes. I tried not to grin too widely. Stay cool, Riles, stay cool. The walls were padded with velvet, with pretty baroque-ish wall lamps emanating soft lights that could make any drunk person sink right into stupor there and then.

"Aaaaam thirstyyy, Rye rye," Bella spluttered out suddenly, tugging my hand. I immediately put one arm around her shoulder, thus pulling her into a hug and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You're _so_ pretty, Bella," I said, looking into her eyes for full effect. Her pupils dilated and I could hear her give a soft sigh. "Aaand I really REALLY need to show you this. Then I'll get you drinks – kay?"

She broke into a dreamy smile and nodded giddily. "Mmmmm, kays. I love you too, Rye rye."

I laughed and held her close to me, in case she'd trip and slip from my grasp and make a mad dash for the bar or something.

Finally we got to Room No. 6, which was always reserved for Joe, since he used it on an almost daily basis. I opened the door, knowing it wouldn't be locked, and gave Bella a gentle push inside while I shut the door. She tumbled and landed on a squeaky leather sofa, giggling at the same time and pulling one of the faux fur wraps that draped over the sofa into her arms. Putting on the most charming grin I could, I sat beside her and gently pushed her onto her back, until she was lying on the sofa. Her cheeks were flushed red and her smiles and giggles were still tipsy. Lauren had drugged her good.

Oh Lauren…

"I know you…" said Bella suddenly, in a hoarse whisper. Her fingers plucked at the faux fur as her lips carved into a coy smile. "I know you like Laur- Laaaauren." Her wide, unfocused eyes looked up teasingly at me. "I th-th-thinnkk she likes you too."

My heart ached and leapt at the same time. "Really?" I croaked out. _Damn it, stay calm and cool, Riles!_ I scolded myself. Thoughts of Lauren, sitting there all by herself where I left her, looking bored and sad, rushed into my head. There were other thoughts too; Lauren dancing with another guy, Lauren talking happily on her cell with some guy from school about the date they had last week, Lauren being chatted up by a stud at –

Then Bella suddenly pulled my head down and kissed me on my lips.

It was quick and harmless; over as soon as it had begun, but all at once, thoughts of Lauren flew away. My world whittled down to just me and Bella, who giggled now and asked me if I liked it. I barely heard her – my senses were now focused on the red flush in her cheeks, her fluttering eyelashes, her wide, sloppy, intoxicated grin…

And the smooth, ivory nape of her neck that sang out to my need to quench my longstanding thirst.

------------------x-------------------

**A/N**: I am so SO SO Incredibly sorry! I've just been so busy with exams after exams! and I had writers block for the longest time! I'm so sorry for having all you guys wait for so long! I'll try to have the next chapter up incredibly fast!!! Oh and a HUGE thank you to my beta, cascade! you're awesome :D

Please Please Please **Review**!!!!!


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